Author: Robby Berman / Source: Big Think
- A new study finds that making children apologize can make things worse.
- When kids say fake “sorry” their victims dislike them even more.
- Children respond most positively when regret is sincere.
“You did what? You apologize right now!
That may be the sound of a grownup making a mistake.
According to new research published by the University of Michigan this year, forcing a child to apologize when they don’t mean it usually does more harm than good.“Coercing your child to apologize is going to backfire,” says the study’s author, Craig Smith, of the university’s Center for Human Growth and Development. “Other kids don’t view that apologizer as likable. The teachable element of having the child apologize has gone away and the goal of the apology prompt — to help your child express remorse, soothe someone else’s hurt feelings and make your child more likable — is lost.”
Ask a child
Photo credit: Alexy Trener via Shutterstock
The study asked children between the ages of 4 and 9 for their reactions to three types of apologies:
- unprompted genuine apologies
- prompted genuine apologies
- coerced apologies
Tallying up the kids’ responses, they found that all of the children — the 7 to 9-year-olds especially — felt worse with…
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