Author: Evelyn Marinoff / Source: Lifehack
We all know the feeling—when you sense that you are not completely happy and fulfilled with your life—things are not where and how you envisage them to be. You go through the motions everyday, angry with yourself and the universe for throwing you such an unfavorable dice.
You can’t help yourself but feel a perennial envy towards those who are smiled upon by karma—the lucky individuals who seem to have the Midas touch and everything they undertake ends up with success, recognition and greater opportunities. Life must be so exiting.
Unlike yours.
We call this sensation many names: I’ve hit a wall; I’m not making progress; I’m stagnant; I’m moving in loops; Something is off in my life; I’m off balance.
Or simply: feeling stuck.
In this article, we’ll look into the reasons behind this feeling and how to get unstuck in life and live a more fulfilling life.
Is Being Stuck Really Such a Bad Thing?
Is it really so bad to be stuck in the status quo? After all, not everyone can be a super-star, right? What’s wrong with living a quiet life, with not many turns and twists and just going with the flow?
True—there is not much fun in this, but there is not disappointment, anxiety, stress and ill-ambition either. Life is easy and uncomplicated.
So why do we keep hearing over and over from the greats that staying is one place is not a good thing?
Tony Robbins gives us an elegantly simple answer to this question:
“If you are not growing, you are dying. “
“Progress equals happiness,” he says.
“That ’s because reaching a goal is satisfying but only temporarily. Life is not about achieving the goals, life is about who you become in pursuit of those goals.”[1]There you have it—staying in one place makes us unhappy.
We all know that the comfort zone can be great. It’s like a warm old blanket you wrap yourself around on a cold winter night, cuddled in front of your favorite TV show.
But just because something feels comfortable, does it mean it’s ok to stick to it forever?
Progress equals happiness, remember.
You may not even fully be aware of the small voice in the back of your mind that’s been bugging you, but you better learn to listen carefully—because you may wake up one day and realize that your productive life is gone and you haven’t achieved many of the things you wanted for yourself.
Pretty gloomy picture, indeed.
Simply put, what the wise men advise us of is not just some self-help fluff for them to gain more popularity or sell more books. It is true—as you will learn below—that not moving forward, not even making the effort to do better or become better—even if you don’t always succeed in these endeavors—is a mental demise and a waste of your potential.
The Common “Stucks”
There are many reasons why you may feel stagnant in your life—some may be completely out of your control even. The main thing, though, is to be able to identify the reasons and then try to take some remedial actions.
But it starts with an awareness—because you can’t fix what you don’t know about, right?
Here are some of the main contributors to your feelings of stuck-ness:
You lack purpose in your life, or the “why” of what you do
Simon Sinek, the best-selling author and motivational speaker tells us in his famous TED talk that every successful endeavor—be it related to an organization, your career or personal life needs to begin with defining the “Why.” You need to be able to explain to yourself why you do what you do and what drives you.
It is the thing (s) that gives meaning and inspires you to wake up in the morning and to want to take on the world. It is your reason for being.
You like the status quo
You may like your comfort zone. After all, it’s…well, comfortable. But as we established, the good old blanket is not necessarily going to make us fulfilled in life. You can watch so many TV shows wrapped in it before you get bored.
We, humans, still carry our ancestors’ fighting instincts—for hunting, for self-preservation, for taking actions to make our lives better. Inaction is not what made the mankind create all the innovations we enjoy today.
The good-old fear of failure and of the unknown
Admittedly, it’s not an emotion to be taken lightly—it can be quite real and powerful for many of us.
According to a Gallup poll done a while ago among U.S. teenagers, the fear of being a failure and not succeeding in life was at number four.[2] More specifically, this feeling was described as “making mistakes that will mess up my life,” “not measuring up,” “not leaving a mark.”
So, fear can be a powerful paralyzer and can elicit a “safe-mode” response—i.e. stuck-ness.
Your crowd
We all know the famous adage that we are the average of the five people we rub shoulders with. So, if your in-crowd is similarly stuck as you are, although it may be consoling at times, you won’t be motivated to make much progress yourself.
It’s called a social proof bias—if everyone around you is doing (or not doing) something, then it is ok for you to follow suit.
Comparisons to others
While comparisons are not always bad, according to the Social Comparison Theory,[3] they have to be handled with caution.
Faring against others can make you very unhappy with yourself. Failing to recognize that your path is not the same as others’ and that there are many ways to get to an end-point (goal) can be very discouraging to taking the first step to unstuck-ness.
Personality
Our temperaments can also contribute to a sense of feeling stuck. For instance, you may be more of a passive, dreamy kind of person who prefers observing to taking action, pensiveness to gregariousness, solitude to venturing out in the world.
That is, you have more of a slow-burn personality vs. a fiery one—therefore, it takes you longer to contemplate all alternatives before taking the plunge.
And that’s ok. But you need to recognize that this may also be the reason why you are not progressing as fast or as much as you would like towards your goals.
And while changing who you are is hard (impossible even, according to some psychologists), there are things that can be done…
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