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How to Deal With a Codependent Family Member

Three Methods:Interacting with Your Family Member Removing Yourself from Codependent Situations Maintaining Healthy Relationships Community Q&A

Codependency is a learned behavior that often runs in families. Since it is learned, it can often be passed down through generations.

At its core, codependence is a behavioral condition that impacts an individual’s ability to have healthy, mutually-beneficial relationships. If you have a family member who is codependent, you may feel smothered or manipulated. It may feel hard to break the cycle. You can move past it, though, as long as you can recognize and detach from codependent behaviors.

1 Read up on codependent behavior. To recognize codependency, you have to know what it looks like. Taking time to educate yourself will not only help you see if your family member fits the description, it will also help you understand their mental state. Only a mental health professional can diagnose codependency, but some telltale symptoms include:^[1]
- Low self-esteem
- Constant people-pleasing
- Little to no boundaries
- Caretaking as a means of control
- Painful emotions
2 Understand that you cannot cure your family member of codependency. Codependency is a mental health condition. Like many other mental health problems, it’s not something you can cure or eliminate for your family member. They may not even recognize it as a problem, and instead, think that they are getting along just fine with you and your other family members.^[2]
- Don’t expect your family member to see their behavior as codependent if they haven’t already come to that conclusion on their own. Trying to force your family member to see your perspective may only make matters worse.
- Treatment in the form of psychotherapy is available. However, your family member likely won’t seek it until they come to their own conclusion that there are no other options.
3 Look at where the codependent person is coming from. You should not feel like you need to…