How to Host an Autistic Friendly Family Gathering

Source: wikiHow

Holidays, get-togethers, reunions, and other family get-togethers can be a source of great joy (and great stress). They can be especially tough for autistics, who may deal with social confusion, sensory overload, high demands, and other stressors. Here is how to make your get-together more inclusive, relaxed, and fun for your autistic relative(s).

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A casual, relaxed environment is likely to be calmer for everyone, and reduce stress on the autistic person.

1 Set up different rooms to focus on different activities. This allows guests to go from one room to another, based on what they want to do. You might put the toys in one room for the kids, food in one room for eating and socializing, a large group of chairs in another, and some puzzles/quiet activities and a few chairs in a side room for people to take breaks if needed.
2 Keep the noise level down. Loud noise is overwhelming for most people, especially autistics. If you have to raise your voice to speak, it’s too loud.
- Keep the TV off, or very quiet. Turning on closed captions and keeping the volume low helps.
- Set aside an area for any children to do noisy play, such as outdoors or in the basement. If they’re getting loud, ask them to choose between quieting down or going outside.
- Music should be quiet and relaxing, or nonexistent. (Try involving the autistic person in the playlist selection, so they can pick something familiar and calming.)
3 Ensure that mealtime seating is flexible. An autistic person may feel more comfortable sitting in a corner, sitting next to a trusted family member, sitting at a side table, or sitting in a quieter space. Let there be options.
- Leave plates of appetizers sitting out so that people can grab some whenever they’d like.
- Let people take food into other rooms, if possible.
- Let people eat at different times if desired. This can be more relaxing than cramming everyone at one table.

1 Check in with regards to the menu. Some autistic people have dietary needs that could influence what they can and can’t eat. Ask the person (or their parent/guardian) if the menu you’re planning sounds about right.^[2] There should be at least one thing they know they are able to eat.
- Put spices on the side. This way, people can choose between no spice, some spice, or a lot of it.
- Buffets, such as build-your-own sandwich, can fit a variety of eaters.
- Some autistic people prefer simple foods, like plain macaroni and cheese, cheese pizza, crackers, pudding, and other “kid food.”
2 Encourage the person to get needed and wanted accommodations. Whatever helps keep them calm and happy will be beneficial to everyone. This could include:
3 Allow a shorter stay. Long social gatherings can be tough, and it’s okay if the person needs to leave early, or take long breaks. Reassure the autistic person and their family that some or all of the family can leave early if needed and that there will be no hurt feelings.
- For an overnight trip, the autistic person may benefit from staying at a quiet hotel, where they can relax with only immediate family or on their own.
4 Talk with the autistic person about what to expect (if applicable). Improvising in a social situation can be tricky, so it helps for the autistic person to rehearse and plan for an unexpected or difficult situation. Younger or higher-support autistics can benefit from social stories and extra prep.
- “If you get overwhelmed, you can go to Grandma’s bedroom, where it will be quiet. There are some papers and colored pencils so you can draw there if you want.”
- “Uncle Mort really likes hugs. If you don’t want a hug, you can say ‘I would prefer a handshake, please.'”
- “People will give gifts. Say ‘Thank you,’ even if you don’t like it. If you don’t like it, keep that secret, until we are back at home where you can tell me.”
5 Prep the autistic person for any rude family members, if needed. Dealing with impolite or nasty relatives is hard for everyone, but especially an autistic…