“That’s not fair!” Whether it is meant as a whine, an accusation or a protest, most parents hear this phrase more often than they might wish.
To some, it may elicit pangs of regret and guilt while others may react with annoyance and exasperation at their children’s impudence.
Children seem to have an uncanny knack for detecting levels of fairness at a very early age.
They notice when a sibling is served a bigger slice of cake or when another child has more juice in their cups.Some kids appear to keep a running tab on privileges bestowed to them as compared to others and have no qualms about voicing their opinions over perceived injustices.
Parents may well marvel at their children’s burgeoning math abilities in gauging fairness: the acquisition of important developmental skills such as measuring, counting and comparing that lay the foundation for later success in school. However, what is perhaps more fundamental within the context of child rearing, is the opportunity to practice the important life skills of kindness, patience and self-regulation.
It is in childhood that we begin to understand that life may not always be fair and that we can learn to be content, and perhaps even happy, without experiencing every situation in exactly the same way as everyone else.
Recent trends in parenting practices point to a desire to make life fair for all without singling out any one particular child. Some examples of this trend include:
-snacks doled out in prepackaged containers, ensuring that all have access to equal amounts of food and drink
-participation trophies handed out at sporting and other events
-requests and demands for extensions of invitations to birthday parties and play-dates to siblings
-parent-provided special treats to a child left at home when another has an alternate outing (example: going out for ice cream because a sibling was invited to an event with a friend)
-manipulating games to let children “win”
When we attempt to maintain a level playing field for our young children, whether within the family or within a classroom or team setting, our positive intentions of teaching fairness may backfire as we instead cultivate entitlement and selfishness.
Developing a healthy sense of…
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