Author: Klare Heston / Source: wikiHow
Overcoming your shame will not be a linear process. You may go through these steps again and again before you get a handle on shame. It all starts with practicing forgiveness and allowing yourself to be human. Shame also makes you feel unworthy, so counter that with confidence-boosting practices.
Then, cultivate self-love and compassion so that you are better equipped to deal with shame in the future.- 1 Recognize how shame is holding you back. Shame is a very strong emotion that can convince you that you are flawed or unworthy. It shuts down, inhibits and separates you from others. Recognize the story you’ve been telling yourself, so you can figure out how to change it.[1]
- Spot what you have been narrating about yourself, your abilities, or your life. Your shame story probably pops up whenever you feel down about yourself.
- For example, when you fail to connect with others, you might tell yourself “I’m unlikable” or “People find me boring.”
- Shame might stem from difficulty in your personal history, such as poverty or domestic abuse.
- 2 Sit with your emotions without pushing them away. A part of dealing with shame involves letting yourself feel the emotions underlying it. Name the emotion beneath your pain and sit with it.[2]
- For instance, maybe you feel humiliated about your divorce. Because you wouldn’t acknowledge the humiliation, shame crept in.
- Say something like, “I feel humiliated about my divorce. I think everyone sees me as damaged goods.” Afterwards, sit with that feeling without trying to push it away.
- Consider journaling about what you feel when you feel shame. Whether it’s a person or other feelings you normally keep buried, it is important to acknowledge them to yourself.
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