Source: Dumb Little Man
We’ve all been there.
Do you remember how you felt when you failed that math test back in school? Or when your application for inclusion in that sports team was rejected? Or more recently, when that job application didn’t work out?
Rejection has been and always will be a part of your normal life as your daily mail.
Still, it hurts. Even though we’ve experienced it a hundred times, each rejection is a new wound.Rejection hurts and it’s real.
What is rejection?
Rejection basically means exclusion from a group, an interaction, information, communication or emotional intimacy.
When someone deliberately excludes you from any of these, your brain tells you that you’re experiencing rejection. The psychological term for this type of rejection is Social Rejection.
Does rejection hurt?
We all know it does. It feels lousy, especially in the context of a romantic relationship.
Should it hurt?
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Many self-help gurus and personal development books will tell you that it shouldn’t, using one or more of the following myths.
- Myth #1. Happiness is a choice, not an outcome. You can choose to be happy irrespective of external circumstances.
- Myth #2. You don’t need anyone’s approval in order to feel happy. The only person whose approval you need is your own.
- Myth #3. If you’re not happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship.
According to Prof. C. Nathan DeWall, PhD of the University of Kentucky, the need to belong or the need to have strong and fulfilling relationships is as fundamental to human nature as is the need for food and water.
Research establishes that it’s not only natural to experience severe mental agony as a result of rejection, but it’s also as “real” as physical pain.
Simple Ways to Handle Rejection
So, does that mean there’s no way to alleviate your pain of rejection?
Fortunately, that’s not the case. You can’t wish away the pain of rejection, but you can control when you feel rejected.
Here are 7 proven steps to do just that:
Be conscious of differences
Each person in this world has a different reality. In any given situation, two people can never think or react in exactly the same way. No one else sees the same world as you do.
Hence, it’s not only possible but in fact likely, that people will behave differently from how you expect them to behave. In other words, how you would’ve behaved if you were them in a certain situation.
This expectation-reality gap often gives rise to feelings of rejection and hurt in people. The first step to avoid unwarranted feelings of rejection is to acknowledge this difference.
Force yourself to think of more than one possible outcomes
The rule of thumb that I follow to avoid surprise reactions from people in any situation is this: instead of having one particular expected outcome in mind, I force myself to objectively imagine at least two possible reactions. One is mandatorily less positive than the other. Also, try and find a few supporting reasons why each…
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