Author: Jacqui Olliver / Source: Lifehack
How do you navigate the additional battles experienced with interracial relationships? What are the pitfalls you need to know about?
Being in charge of your emotions will definitely help reduce interracial tension, however, it’s best to put preventative measures in place so you don’t find yourself overreacting unnecessarily.
This article details 6 of the true struggles experienced by interracial couples and what you can do to prevent them.
How would your life change if it was easy to enjoy your choice of partner?
1. Your interracial relationship is very likely to involve two different value systems.
According to Dr. Sidney Simon (author of Values Clarification), different value systems can easily cause conflict in a relationship. If what matters most to one person doesn’t matter to the other, the relationship isn’t sustainable in the long term.
For example, Lina is an Asian woman married to an Australian named Steven. Since most Australians value a relaxed lifestyle, Lina finds it hard to understand why her husband doesn’t want to be a business owner. In Asian culture, wealth creation is more important than relaxation.
In this case, Lina’s top value is wealth creation, whereas Steven doesn’t think wealth creation is very important at all. Consequently, this interracial couple frequently experiences tension due to conflicting values.
How to overcome this struggle?
Lina and Steven would be well-advised to accept and respect their different value systems.
Lina could start her own business and allow Steven to focus his attention on whatever makes him happy. While sharing a common direction is ideal, a couple doesn’t have to connect with each other through career goals.
In other words, interracial couples can connect with each other through their shared interests, and respect and accept their differences.
2. There can be many unhealthy assumptions between interracial partners.
When you are in an interracial relationship, it’s important not to assume that your partner likes something because of their race or ethnicity.
For instance, constantly talking about curry may make your Indian partner feel offended. Your assumption that Indian people love curry can easily appear to be a stereotype. Or dating a German and constantly bringing him (or her) beer and sausages. When your German date doesn’t drink alcohol and is a health-conscious vegetarian.
How to overcome this struggle?
Curiosity is always key. Be genuinely curious about your partner without making assumptions.
Discover your partner’s interests and view of the world so you can enjoy every interaction you have.
3. Many interracial couples shy away from hot topics like racism.
It’s a fact that racism exists in our world, but most people don’t want to talk about it. Many interracial couples think that their love for each other will make racism irrelevant.
However, racial discrimination can be a real problem when a partner’s family doesn’t accept their spouse. Many mixed ethnicity couples try to ignore or brush off disparaging remarks and awkwardness. However, this may cause communication breakdown and problems in the future.
How to overcome this struggle?
When dating and forming a relationship, communication is paramount. This is especially true in interracial dating when a partner comes from a different background. Make sure that whenever there is an issue you address it immediately.
If your partner’s family members don’t accept you or vice versa, you need to honestly discuss how you feel with your partner and validate each other’s feelings.
If you take a resistant or defensive stance, then you will only cause more friction and tension. Challenging people’s beliefs…
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