How to Forget Someone You Love

Source: wikiHow

Breaking ties with someone is never easy, especially if you still love them. However, with time, patience, and a few healthy coping strategies, you can move on and find happiness again. Start by removing the person from your life, both by eliminating contact and taking down reminders.

Then you can work on letting go of the hurt and moving on.

1. 1 Break off contact completely. It’s hard to get over someone or forget them if you’re still talking to them or even if you’re still just friends on social media. Unfriend the person on all your social media accounts. Let the person know you need a long break from them, even if you want to be friends in the future.^[1]
   • You could say, “Even though I would like to be on friendly terms in the future, I’m having a hard time right now. I need to step away from our friendship.”
   • If you must see the person, try to be friendly without moving into friendship. For instance, say hello if you pass them in the hall or make polite chitchat about logistics if you’re sharing kids. However, leave it at that and don’t try to go deeper.
2. 2 Give up the possibility that you could get the person back. Don’t dwell on the thought that you might get back together. That only makes you hope and fantasize about the person. Instead, focus on letting go of the relationship, reminding yourself that it’s over when you need to.^[2]
   • Tell yourself, “We broke up for a reason, and I deserve to move on with someone new.”
3. 3 Write a letter to the person that you don’t send. Get all your feelings out on paper. Tell your ex how they hurt you. Write down the good memories and the bad, and just use the time to get out some of your emotions. The letter is for you; there’s no need to send it.^[3]
4. 4 Delete the person’s emails, texts, and voicemails. When you have text or messages from your ex, you’re likely to go back and read them, dwelling in the past. Go through all of your accounts, and delete all messages, so you won’t be tempted.^[4]
   • If you’re afraid you might want the memories later, try saving them on an external hard drive and give it to a friend. Then you can’t take it out at will to remember.
5. 5 Take down or delete all the photos you have of the person. Remove the photos from the walls and your picture albums. Delete any photos you have on your phone or computer, as well as any on your social media accounts. You don’t need those reminders around.^[5]
   • Once again, if you can’t quite let go, put them on an external hard drive along with any hard copies you have and ask a friend to hold them for a while.
6. 6 Have a ceremonial burning of any reminders you have around. Sometimes, you just need to cleanse your mind of the other person. One way to do that is to gather up items you have around that remind you of them. Put them in a metal trash can, and set them on fire. You can do this with old letters, photos, or clothing, for instance.^[6]
   • Just be sure to do this outside in a non-windy area. Have a bucket of water or fire extinguisher nearby just in case.

1. 1 Remind yourself why it didn’t work out. If you’re having a hard time getting over someone, it’s likely because you’re remembering all the good times without the bad. Take time to remember why you broke up, so you can break through the fantasy.^[7]
   • Try writing about it. Journal about the painful memories you have with the intention of letting go of that hurt, too, so you can move on.
   • You’re relationship ended because something happened or it wasn’t going well, and if you put that relationship on a pedestal of perfection, it’s hard to get over it.
2. 2 Forgive the person to let go of your anger. One way to work on forgiving them is to remember the good parts of the person, too. Think about what made you like them in the first place, so you can think of them as a whole person who makes mistakes. It’s only when you think of them as a fallible human being with both good and bad qualities that you can forgive them their mistakes.^[8]
   • Another way to work on forgiveness is to think about how you feel about what the person did to you. Think about how those emotions are affecting your life. For instance, if you feel angry and bitter, how is that coloring how you see the world?
   • Of course, some “mistakes” are bigger than others. With serious issues like emotional and physical abuse, it’s much harder to forgive the other person. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness is mainly for your benefit; it doesn’t absolve the other person for what they’ve done.
   • Forgiveness is about letting go of the bitterness you have against the other person. It’s hard to let go of your negative feelings towards the person if you’re not willing to forgive them. You don’t forget your pain, just that you stop harboring anger in your heart towards the person.^[9]
3. 3 Reframe the breakup as “no-fault” instead of casting blame. You may blame yourself for the breakup, or you may feel the need to blame the other person. But, in the end, the fact is you just weren’t compatible with the other person, and no one deserves the blame for that.^[10]
   • If you had a fairly amiable relationship, try to remember that you were both trying your best to make the relationship work, and work on letting go of the blaming cycle.
4. 4 Work on changing your response to the past rather than wishing it away. Sometimes, you may wish you could go back in time and change how things happened. It’s a fairly natural response, but in the end, fruitless. All you can change is how you respond…

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