How to Stop an Argument

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In this Article:Putting a Verbal Stop to an Argument Stopping the Argument Nonverbally Preventing Future Arguments Community Q&A 15 References

While an argument can be a healthy part of a relationship, it’s easy to take things too far and potentially say something you’ll regret.

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In such an instance, you’ll find yourself in the middle of an argument that must be stopped immediately in order to prevent emotional damage. If you sense that an argument is getting out of hand, find a way to stop it from getting any worse. You can put an immediate stop to an argument by leaving the room or finding a different task to occupy your mind and take it off of the argument.

1 Focus on resolving the core issue underlying the argument. When you’re in an argument with a partner or old friend, it can be easy to bring up old baggage. If you’re arguing with an acquaintance or work associate, you might be tempted to only deal with surface-level problems. Instead of taking either of these approaches, try to mutually resolve the core problem without bringing up past incidents or superficial disagreements.^[1]
- For example, say that your partner is angry with you for hanging out with friends over the weekend. While you need to respond to that complaint, the deeper underlying issue may be that your partner doesn’t feel appreciated in the relationship.
- If you’re unsure of what the underlying issue is, just ask: “What’s the main problem that you’d like for us to resolve here?”
2 Explain that you’re willing to compromise on the issue at hand. People often get into arguments when 1 or both of the individuals feel that the other is taking an inflexible or unfair position. In many cases, showing that you’re willing to compromise will be enough to stop the argument then and there.^[2]
- For example, if you’re arguing with a roommate over whose turn it is to wash dishes, say something like, “I’ll wash them this time, but in the future, I’d appreciate it if you and your boyfriend washed the dishes after making a huge meal together.”
- Or, if a work colleague accuses you of hogging the spotlight on a project, say, “You may be right about that. I like to take pride in my work, but I’ll take some time to think about what you’ve said.”
3 Acknowledge the validity of the other person’s feelings. Even if you and the person you’re arguing with disagree about an important topic, you can still show that you respect their feelings and emotions. This shows that you’re interested in seeing things from the other person’s perspective and aren’t trying to intentionally hurt them. In many cases, this will be enough to stop the argument, or at least to de-escalate rising anger.^[3]
- Say something like, “Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel the way that you do. I hope I haven’t done anything to make you feel otherwise.”
4 Apologize if you’ve done something to hurt the other person. If you’re clearly in the wrong, there’s nothing to be gained by sticking to your guns and dragging an argument out. Instead, make a clear, direct apology for what you did to upset the person.^[4] If you don’t know what you’ve done to upset someone, ask them.
- For example, if you made a friend angry by criticizing them in front of a mutual acquaintance, say something like, “I’m sorry, I should’ve have acted that way. It seemed funny in the moment but now I realize I was wrong and I apologize.”
5 Be honest about your own feelings and emotions. Emotional honesty can help defuse an argument and turn it into a productive conversation. By exposing your feelings to the person you’re arguing with, you’ll allow them to understand where you’re coming from. Try expressing yourself using statements beginning with “I feel like…” or reference a specific emotion that’s motivating you to argue.^[5]
- For example, say something like, “I’m afraid that the fact that you didn’t kiss me goodnight last night may mean that you’re becoming less attracted to me. That’s why…