Author: Dr. Magdalena Battles / Source: Lifehack
Empty Nest Syndrome is not a mental disorder or clinical diagnosis. Instead, it is a term used to characterize the real feelings of deep sadness, angst, and loneliness that parents can feel when all of their children are grown and leave home.
It is a very real and sad experience for many parents.
Not all parents who raise children experience the Empty Nest Syndrome. However, for those who think they may be prone to Empty Nest Syndrome, there are things you can do to prepare yourself for the empty nest.If you are already in the empty nest phase and are experiencing this syndrome, then there are also some ways you can help yourself overcome the sadness.
What is it like to experience Empty Nest Syndrome?
For most parents and caregivers who experience Empty Nest Syndrome, it triggers the grieving process. This is more often experienced by parents, typically mothers, whose primary life responsibility is care for their children.
It can be compounded if there are other life events happening concurrently such as retirement, menopause, or divorce. They have spent their days making meals, acting as chauffeur for all of the kids’ activities, and then spent countless hours attending games, plays, and school functions. The parent whose life revolves around the lives of their off spring will definitely have emotions tied to the child leaving home.
The grieving process is triggered because there is a loss of that parent’s life. The child may still be alive and well, but the parents can still experience grief because that child is no longer in their home under their direct guidance and supervision.
Again, the degree that a parent experiences this grief and emotional distress varies from one parent to the next. The more the parent is heavily involved in their child’s life and activities, to the exclusion of their own activities, the more that the parent will likely experience emotional turmoil, distress, and grief.
How to deal with Empty Nest Snydrome
1. Pursue fulfilling activities
For some parents, they now have a gaping hole in their life. They no longer are needed to go to sporting activities, help with homework, or cook nightly meals for their kids. For the parents who are heavily involved in their kids’ lives, this gaping hole needs some filling.
However, it can’t just be filled with meaningless activity. Parents need to pursue new interests or pick up an interest that they had previously. The more the activity feels meaningful to the individual, the more the void of the children being grown and gone can be filled.
It doesn’t mean that you need to run out and volunteer at the cancer or hospice unit today. That idea may terrify you. Instead look introspectively at yourself and what you enjoy.
For example, you may have an art degree that you haven’t used since you began staying at home with the kids. You always wanted to teach art classes. Getting plugged in at a local art studio that offers art classes may be a good option to look into. You may find that teaching others the love of art and self-expression through art brings you great life satisfaction.
You have to find something that is of interest to you that will help you also feel that you have meaningful purpose.
Avoid the pursuit of activities that are individual focused if you are dealing with loneliness. Doing an activity alone won’t help you feel less lonely in most cases. Instead, find activities that include others.
For example, if you enjoy photography then join a photography club. Learn from others and develop friendships with others who are passionate about the trade. You may find that the next step would be using your photography skills to capture the memories of others and share your gift with them. Your skills and abilities can grow and flourish in the time that you now have to dedicate to them.
Figure out what you like to do, what makes you passionate, and then get involved in this activity in a way that involves other people.
There are other activities parents with Empty Nest Syndrome have found to be helpful in moving forward. Some of these activities include higher education such as University for themselves, volunteering with a local charity, reviving old friendships, and pursuit of a job or career.
Whatever it may be, find something that interests you and makes you feel of value. Don’t languish at home missing your child and hoping for your feelings to magically change on their own.
Time will help heal you, as you process through the stages of grief. Finding new pursuits and interests can also help you in this process of moving forward with life.
2. Rekindle your romance
There are far too many stories of couples who divorce or separate after the children have grown and the youngest leaves the nest. Couples find that they have nothing in common with one another once the children are gone.
This is a perfect opportunity to rekindle your romance and focus on your relationship. It is also an opportunity for you to get into a shared interest together.
You may find that you have nothing in common. That’s okay. Find something that you can both mutually agree to do together. It doesn’t have to be a passion for both of you. Instead, it is something that you are both willing to do because you want to be together. It is shared life experience that makes us bonded to others.
Bond yourself and rekindle your romance by sharing life together. It could be something as simple as taking up cycling, yoga, or bird watching together. It could also be something more extravagant like world travel.
Whatever it may be, do it together to engage one another and share the experience.
3. Spousal support
Not all parents experience the same emotions when the last child leaves the nest. Actually, more than likely, you will have very different emotional experiences. Your spouse or partner may be too busy in his or her career to even notice that you are going through the Empty Nest Syndrome.
Share with your partner or spouse what you are experiencing. Let them know that you are having trouble…
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