How to Build a Healthy Relationship with a Stepchild

Author: Klare Heston / Source: wikiHow

Marrying someone who already has children can be a challenge, but it can also be an immense blessing. As a step-parent, you get to serve as friend and mentor to the child–you don’t have to try to step in as a third parent. Focus on building good rapport with your stepchild and fostering mutual respect and trust.

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Also, keep in mind that this can be a major adjustment for yourself and the child. They may never fully accept you the way you’d like, but just do your best to develop a civil relationship with them.

1 Initiate a connection, but let the child set the pace. Allow your stepchild to define the relationship they’d like to have with you. Express your interest, but leave the ball in their court as to how they want to move forward.^[1]
- Don’t try to rush in and force a relationship. Simply say, “I have no interest in replacing your mom/dad, but I do want us to have a close relationship. You can think of me as an aunt/uncle or an adult friend. How does that sound?”
- If they show no interest in getting close to you, back off for a while. They may need time to accept the relationship.
2 Strike up conversations around their passions. Befriend your stepchild just like you would anyone else— by talking about what they’re interested in. If you know your stepdaughter is into ballet, ask her opinion on a dance routine. If your stepson likes anime, tell him to catch you up on his favorite show.^[2]
- Once you get them talking be sure to make occasional eye contact and engage in the conversation to show you’re listening.
- Ask open-ended questions that keep the conversation going, like “So, what got you interested in that?”
3 Carve out one-on-one time for something fun. Take an interest in your stepchild’s hobbies, share yours, or develop a new one together. This helps you spend quality time together without awkwardly trying to come up with exciting topics.^[3]
- For instance, if they like baseball, throw a ball around in the backyard. If you like woodworking, give them a crash course and teach them to make something.
4 Engage in a way that’s comfortable to them. Coming off as a friend to your stepchild can be challenging,…